CrY oUt the TeaRs
My subscribed horoscope in my phone has this to say: Communication will be unusually hard for you today. Put off expressing your thoughts and feelings to another day. As for now, think what you really want.... Another one says: Actions speak louder than words. Kung meron kulang sa sinasabi mo o may tinatago ko, makikita nila sa mga ginagawa mo. Obvious!
Thanks to this horoscopes, i got the idea how to start this blog.
Oh well, i cant put on my thoughts to another day. Have to express this. And its for you to judge if theres something i have kept inside that i havent show off.
Last night was a terrible night. I really had another night to shed tears. I really didnt able to hold back the tears...they just fall from my eyes.
It all started with a long cellphone conversation with mah friend Dayen. I never thought such conversation will end up to something sad, oh well thats on my side. She really did strike my heart when she open up a topic which i never knew i was really mean to her then. She talks as if she wasnt hurt afterall but then it was a different scenario on my part. I wasnt showing off what i felt, i laugh when she laugh, i tried to hide the guilty feelings within me, I was mean, i was rude then...too bad, i cant do nothing to get back to those times to change what had happened.
an open letter for her:
Dayen, im really sorry from the bottom of my heart, i knew i cant change what had been done. I know you were hurt, and i know how fool i was to be acting like a kid with that article and "fictio-real" series that i wrote. Somehow i have been an added burden to your already burdensome life. Well i dont want to dig deeper on it, but im pretty sure its hard to be bringing that burden within you for years. And here i was, adding insults to injury...mmm, too bad, i was a complete fool when i was trying to use my creative knowledge to write. My sole purpose or should i say main reason for such was unintellectual and was a downright misuse of what God has given me. Im sorry, my heart bleeds for i dont know how i hurt you. You know what after our conversation, i really didnt expect that tears would fall from my eyes. I tried to be strong telling myself that i did nothing but reality bites... it hurts , well, maybe i deserve all the hurtings more than you do...im really sorry friend, i hope in time youll learn to forget what i have done... Hindi ko man maipakita sayo na talagang na nagsisisi ako sa ginawa ko at least man lang paniwalaan mo na ito na ang totoo junnrey na nakilala mo. Ang dating walang imik at hindi nagsasalita ng masasakit. Ewan ko ba at nabago ako ng panahon. At kung kelan mo makita ang dating jr ay di ko pa alam. Eto ako ngayon, masaya pero sa kaloob.looban, pagkatapos mong maipahiwatig sa akin kung gaano ako kasama, naglalaro sa isipan ko bawat minuto ang kawalang ganang maipagpatuloy ang aking buhay. Pero ayokong isipin na tatapusin ko ang buhay ko dahil alam ko rin na diyos lang ang may hawak ng buhay ko.. mahirap lang isipin na walang kamalay malay na tao na wala namang ginagawa sa akin ay lumuha ng dahil sakin, sakit kaya nun! kung kelan ako makaahon sa bagay na to, ang panahon lang ang siyang makapagsasabi, pero sa ngayon, nakatingala ako sa kawalan ng buhay. nanaginip ng gising naway akoy hindi mo nakilala at hindi ka sana lumuha ng ganun ganun na lamang...pasensya na kaibigan, o may karapatan pa kaya ako sa salitang yaon?
Minutes passed after we had our conversation, i received a msg from baby josh... this guy is the one who makes me laugh with his funny antics, so i was eager to read the message but then it was the same old msg that i learned to memorize... we had the confrontation ! oh maybe that word will not quality to adress the exchange of msg we had... its strucks me the second time around in one night...huh!
Josh i knew i was pretty damn fool to be acting like that last night. I was acting totally weird! thats how i see it, when i realized this morning of what i have been doing! Oh well i knew you were very considerate enough not to talk nonesense once and for all just last night to keep up with my emotional outburst from my first encounter of nightmare on the same night. Lam mo baby, ramdam ko naman ang sincerity mo nung sinabi mong wag kitang kalimutan at ang ating samahang nabuo dahilan lang sa isyung binanggit mo. Sabi ko nga sayo hindi yun ang isyu, ako lang talaga ang may sira ng ulo kagabi at ikaw ang napagdiskitahan ko. Walang kamalay malay mong tinanggap yun, sabi mo nga di mo pa rin magets ang kung ano ang nangyari sa kin pero pilit mong inintindi. alam ko naging unfair ako sayo nung sinabi kong kailangan nating mabuhay ng walang kaugnayan sa isat isa, parang iniwan kita sa ere ng ganun ganun na lang.
Kaninang umaga, Masaya ako't andun pa rin ang dating sidney na nakilala ko, ala pa ring sense..hahah (ayan seryoso ako niyan ha, ginamit ko na ang name mo na di ko madalas sabihin)... masaya ako't okay na ulit ang samahan natin nagkakasundo muli ang dalawang taong alang sense. masaya akot nakatawa ka na rin sa huli matapos ang nangyari kagabi, bagamat alam mo na ang mga tawa koy iba sa dating mga halakhak at taliwas sa nararamdaman ko.masaya akot dumating ang isang sidney josh sa buhay ko na di ko naman hinangad...lam ko sasabihin mo na naman na nagdadrama ako, kagaya nung sinabi mo kagabi, pero seryoso ako ngayon dito josh...hindi naman sa lahat ng panhon ay ala akong sense, pero ewan mas masaya nga siguro pag wala akong sense kagaya mo! hehehe... I know madaming mag.iisip ng iba tungkol sa kaibigan kong ito at sa akin, isa lang ang masasabi ko,,,taken from a dialogue in the movie ANak... Ala akong ginawang masama! at wag niyong sabihing MERON MERON MERON, dahil sampalin ko kayo...hahahah...trying to laugh here
Worst of all worst, when such sms exchange took place, my girlfriend started her sermon on me...oh well i knew ive been unfair to her but i do have reasons for such. And i dont want her to be part of my problems for i know she too has it...
Reign, lam ko kung ano ang pagkukulang ko, at alam ko kung paano pilit mo inintindi ang kawalan ko ng time sayo. Dakila kang girlfriend, lam mo ba yun, despite of all of shortcomings youre still there to support me all the way. Nahihihiya na nga ako sayo. Kasi parang i took you for granted na. HIndi sa iniisip kong tanga ka at naging sunod sunuran ka sa nararamdaman mo , pero thankful talga ako at naging part ka ng buhay ko. Nag-iisa ka at alam ko i wont be able to find a girl as understanding as you are. Masakit mang isipin pero tila akoy hindi karapat dapat sa ganyang pagmamahal, at kung anuman ang mangyayari sa samahan natin, at this point in time, nagpapasalamat na ako ng lubusan at akoy tinanggap mo ng buong buo, minahal mo ng walang bahid ng alanganin, at sinuportahan mo sa kung anong kayang suporta na maibigay mo. Sila bay merong ganyang gf? wala...kaya proud akong makilala ka at maging part ng buhay ko. Pero lam mo nman ako, hindi ako masyadong showy pagdating diyan, ayokong ipamukha sa mundo ang kung ano ang meron ako. Tanggap kong di ko kaya ang mundo, napakalaki nito at masyadong malawak para sakupin. Kung saan man ako dadalhin ng aking mga pangarap, naway makasama pa rin kita pagdating ng araw na ang aking mga adhikain at tagumpay ay makamit ko na. Kung hindi man, at least napatunayan mo na mahal mo talga ako, kabaligtaran man ang napatunayan ko sa iyo, sanay maunawaan mo pang lalo pagdating ng panahon.
salamat aking mahal... i love you...
I cried till the wee hours of the night. I shed tears ! I know someone may think crying would make me less of a man, but i put it on the words of Dayen, who the hell cares! Tears is not a sign of cowardice, its an outpouring of emotion to bring out what has to be brought out. To loosen yourself and to lessen the burden kept within. I know im not saying everything here for i know some things are best keep within...
but then i have to cry again...
this is your lonely ironicguy
signing off
life is simple, ironic it may seem because of the complexities it brought in.
My subscribed horoscope in my phone has this to say: Communication will be unusually hard for you today. Put off expressing your thoughts and feelings to another day. As for now, think what you really want.... Another one says: Actions speak louder than words. Kung meron kulang sa sinasabi mo o may tinatago ko, makikita nila sa mga ginagawa mo. Obvious!
Thanks to this horoscopes, i got the idea how to start this blog.
Oh well, i cant put on my thoughts to another day. Have to express this. And its for you to judge if theres something i have kept inside that i havent show off.
Last night was a terrible night. I really had another night to shed tears. I really didnt able to hold back the tears...they just fall from my eyes.
It all started with a long cellphone conversation with mah friend Dayen. I never thought such conversation will end up to something sad, oh well thats on my side. She really did strike my heart when she open up a topic which i never knew i was really mean to her then. She talks as if she wasnt hurt afterall but then it was a different scenario on my part. I wasnt showing off what i felt, i laugh when she laugh, i tried to hide the guilty feelings within me, I was mean, i was rude then...too bad, i cant do nothing to get back to those times to change what had happened.
an open letter for her:
Dayen, im really sorry from the bottom of my heart, i knew i cant change what had been done. I know you were hurt, and i know how fool i was to be acting like a kid with that article and "fictio-real" series that i wrote. Somehow i have been an added burden to your already burdensome life. Well i dont want to dig deeper on it, but im pretty sure its hard to be bringing that burden within you for years. And here i was, adding insults to injury...mmm, too bad, i was a complete fool when i was trying to use my creative knowledge to write. My sole purpose or should i say main reason for such was unintellectual and was a downright misuse of what God has given me. Im sorry, my heart bleeds for i dont know how i hurt you. You know what after our conversation, i really didnt expect that tears would fall from my eyes. I tried to be strong telling myself that i did nothing but reality bites... it hurts , well, maybe i deserve all the hurtings more than you do...im really sorry friend, i hope in time youll learn to forget what i have done... Hindi ko man maipakita sayo na talagang na nagsisisi ako sa ginawa ko at least man lang paniwalaan mo na ito na ang totoo junnrey na nakilala mo. Ang dating walang imik at hindi nagsasalita ng masasakit. Ewan ko ba at nabago ako ng panahon. At kung kelan mo makita ang dating jr ay di ko pa alam. Eto ako ngayon, masaya pero sa kaloob.looban, pagkatapos mong maipahiwatig sa akin kung gaano ako kasama, naglalaro sa isipan ko bawat minuto ang kawalang ganang maipagpatuloy ang aking buhay. Pero ayokong isipin na tatapusin ko ang buhay ko dahil alam ko rin na diyos lang ang may hawak ng buhay ko.. mahirap lang isipin na walang kamalay malay na tao na wala namang ginagawa sa akin ay lumuha ng dahil sakin, sakit kaya nun! kung kelan ako makaahon sa bagay na to, ang panahon lang ang siyang makapagsasabi, pero sa ngayon, nakatingala ako sa kawalan ng buhay. nanaginip ng gising naway akoy hindi mo nakilala at hindi ka sana lumuha ng ganun ganun na lamang...pasensya na kaibigan, o may karapatan pa kaya ako sa salitang yaon?
Minutes passed after we had our conversation, i received a msg from baby josh... this guy is the one who makes me laugh with his funny antics, so i was eager to read the message but then it was the same old msg that i learned to memorize... we had the confrontation ! oh maybe that word will not quality to adress the exchange of msg we had... its strucks me the second time around in one night...huh!
Josh i knew i was pretty damn fool to be acting like that last night. I was acting totally weird! thats how i see it, when i realized this morning of what i have been doing! Oh well i knew you were very considerate enough not to talk nonesense once and for all just last night to keep up with my emotional outburst from my first encounter of nightmare on the same night. Lam mo baby, ramdam ko naman ang sincerity mo nung sinabi mong wag kitang kalimutan at ang ating samahang nabuo dahilan lang sa isyung binanggit mo. Sabi ko nga sayo hindi yun ang isyu, ako lang talaga ang may sira ng ulo kagabi at ikaw ang napagdiskitahan ko. Walang kamalay malay mong tinanggap yun, sabi mo nga di mo pa rin magets ang kung ano ang nangyari sa kin pero pilit mong inintindi. alam ko naging unfair ako sayo nung sinabi kong kailangan nating mabuhay ng walang kaugnayan sa isat isa, parang iniwan kita sa ere ng ganun ganun na lang.
Kaninang umaga, Masaya ako't andun pa rin ang dating sidney na nakilala ko, ala pa ring sense..hahah (ayan seryoso ako niyan ha, ginamit ko na ang name mo na di ko madalas sabihin)... masaya ako't okay na ulit ang samahan natin nagkakasundo muli ang dalawang taong alang sense. masaya akot nakatawa ka na rin sa huli matapos ang nangyari kagabi, bagamat alam mo na ang mga tawa koy iba sa dating mga halakhak at taliwas sa nararamdaman ko.masaya akot dumating ang isang sidney josh sa buhay ko na di ko naman hinangad...lam ko sasabihin mo na naman na nagdadrama ako, kagaya nung sinabi mo kagabi, pero seryoso ako ngayon dito josh...hindi naman sa lahat ng panhon ay ala akong sense, pero ewan mas masaya nga siguro pag wala akong sense kagaya mo! hehehe... I know madaming mag.iisip ng iba tungkol sa kaibigan kong ito at sa akin, isa lang ang masasabi ko,,,taken from a dialogue in the movie ANak... Ala akong ginawang masama! at wag niyong sabihing MERON MERON MERON, dahil sampalin ko kayo...hahahah...trying to laugh here
Worst of all worst, when such sms exchange took place, my girlfriend started her sermon on me...oh well i knew ive been unfair to her but i do have reasons for such. And i dont want her to be part of my problems for i know she too has it...
Reign, lam ko kung ano ang pagkukulang ko, at alam ko kung paano pilit mo inintindi ang kawalan ko ng time sayo. Dakila kang girlfriend, lam mo ba yun, despite of all of shortcomings youre still there to support me all the way. Nahihihiya na nga ako sayo. Kasi parang i took you for granted na. HIndi sa iniisip kong tanga ka at naging sunod sunuran ka sa nararamdaman mo , pero thankful talga ako at naging part ka ng buhay ko. Nag-iisa ka at alam ko i wont be able to find a girl as understanding as you are. Masakit mang isipin pero tila akoy hindi karapat dapat sa ganyang pagmamahal, at kung anuman ang mangyayari sa samahan natin, at this point in time, nagpapasalamat na ako ng lubusan at akoy tinanggap mo ng buong buo, minahal mo ng walang bahid ng alanganin, at sinuportahan mo sa kung anong kayang suporta na maibigay mo. Sila bay merong ganyang gf? wala...kaya proud akong makilala ka at maging part ng buhay ko. Pero lam mo nman ako, hindi ako masyadong showy pagdating diyan, ayokong ipamukha sa mundo ang kung ano ang meron ako. Tanggap kong di ko kaya ang mundo, napakalaki nito at masyadong malawak para sakupin. Kung saan man ako dadalhin ng aking mga pangarap, naway makasama pa rin kita pagdating ng araw na ang aking mga adhikain at tagumpay ay makamit ko na. Kung hindi man, at least napatunayan mo na mahal mo talga ako, kabaligtaran man ang napatunayan ko sa iyo, sanay maunawaan mo pang lalo pagdating ng panahon.
salamat aking mahal... i love you...
I cried till the wee hours of the night. I shed tears ! I know someone may think crying would make me less of a man, but i put it on the words of Dayen, who the hell cares! Tears is not a sign of cowardice, its an outpouring of emotion to bring out what has to be brought out. To loosen yourself and to lessen the burden kept within. I know im not saying everything here for i know some things are best keep within...
but then i have to cry again...
this is your lonely ironicguy
signing off
life is simple, ironic it may seem because of the complexities it brought in.
posted by Ironicguy @ 7:09 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
Whatever happened in the past is past. The pain it brought was a learning experience. Its a nice feeling when you have forgiven those people that have hurt you. I have forgiven myself too, its the best thing to do anyway. Thank God i'm recovering and thank you for letting me see the other side of the story. Peace ya! mwah! mwah! mwah!
ironic dayen
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