The Guilt Within

guilt Pronunciation Key (glt)n.
The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
Law. Culpability for a crime or lesser breach of regulations that carries a legal penalty.
Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
Guilty conduct; sin.

Etymology: Old English gylt delinquency: the fact of having committed an offense esp. against the law

: feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : morbid self-reproach often manifest in marked preoccupation with the moral correctness of one's behavior

HOwever it is being defined, still it point out to one thing, and that is how i am feeling right now. For the past two nights, ive been haunted with guilt deep inside for i have done something which i knew is not the right thing to do. Though the person did not directly told me about it, i am not that fool to tell myself that nothings wrong between the two of us and what happened that night did not in any way put a scar on the relationship that we were triumphantly established.

Too heavy to carry a burden deep within. AS if a flaming emotion would burst anytime soon. But then everytime i wanted to shout it out, there is the call for decency that put cold water to the once hazing emotion. And in the end there i am shivering in pain, of hopelesness for somehow the guilt have weaken me in my continued quest in this game of life.

I have consoled by telling myself that at least i have asked forgiveness but then if i will look at things the way it should be, the apology should be address to someone else for unwittingly that person never had the idea of whats happening or what has transpired from his absence.

Whatever will happen, wherever this guilt would bring me, one things for sure, i have subjected myself in a world where nothings permanent, though i want things the way they are now, i cant help but let go if there is a need to.

But then again,

i feel sorry for myself

i feel guilty

i am

i really am...