The Hurting

Inasmuch as i dont want to show how i feel, i cant help it.

From the very beginning ive been looking for my place under the sun. A place where i can find people with the same level with what i believe i am in. And then they came unexpectedly in the world where every human is grasping for self-belonging. They came and touch my life to the point of bringing back the smile into my lips in my continued play in the strange place that i am in right now.

unexpectedly, a feeling grows within that i cant help but keep. i dont want to lose the friendship we shared, i dont want to spoil the happiness i felt when were together. keeping the feeling that would most likely trample down the tower that our relationship has establish to lessen the burden is better than showing off whats within and suffer and add another load to carry at the end.

i am happy, were all happy. and who else isnt.

but then everything has transpired that fate has repeatedly played unto everyones heart. i forbid to stay strong. my trembling knees put me in shiver and shoke me in pain and there i am on bended knees weeping the silent hurting. each tear that fall maybe a manifestation of lifes unruly music but i took it the other way around.

and now im happy. happy for my friend who have found their share of happiness in their loving embrace.

i may have done everything just right in your eyes, but there will be those insane moments when i am faced with the realization that there are individuals out there that are neither thinking of me nor loving me at this moment.

As one of the famous philosophers stated, "That which does not destroy us only makes us stronger". And this developoment would not in any way make me fail in my quest instead it will help me move on with more determination to pursue a life that i have envisioned myself with.

this may actually serve as an invaluable learning experience. i accept the fact that i will always have to overcome obstacles in life in order to achieve my goals,

friends, dont worry about me, i knew you will be both happy, i will just be here for you both when you needed me, you will soon understand that everything just makes me a more rounded and successful person. It is in this silent scream revealed my limitations and motivate me to overcome them.

and indeed i am hurt but i can still show to the world that i have been the man that stood for the past 25 years amidst all the life's unfriendly nature towards me.

but im happy, i really am.

now i can officially set myself free from the burden of loving someone and thereby resisting it...


as always, it would be love that will keep me moving on.

and i knew it

it will be there for me when i need i the most.

though i shed tears

smiles still dominate my lips