UNTIL THEN : Sending you Home


Here I am again, breaking my silence of my heart on something that has to do with my life, my interaction with people around me and the feelings in between. This is in response to Borj’s blog "A trail Towards HOme"

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You have traveled far enough in search for the real essence of life, and in the process you came to a crossroad where you have to decide which way to go and which trail to follow. There you have followed the path where at the end; we both find and knew each other. We wander around and continue the search until we dare fully created our own paradise. Far from the exhausting journey we have indulged ourselves upon.

In our fantasies we weaved our dreams of a life that is beyond our wishes, beyond the child in us and beyond the wheel of life. The kingly sun continues to give its warmth for us to feel. The wind gave its soothing caress for the hearts that started to beat the symphony of human emotions. We loved the life it was. As the chirping birds from atop the tree witnessed how we hide the compassion for the world.

It was pure happiness, undaunted happiness it was. No words could suffice how it feels to be with someone sharing the same thought and feelings about LIFE. Yet, one day I just woke up realizing you were looking back at yesterdays, imagining how simple life can be, how life has given you the opportunities to fully become the person that you envisioned yourself to be.

And before the sun sets in, before it gave way to the moon, you too finally decided to bring yourself back home.

Home where you think you could feel again the security and loved that has brought you to life. . . where the essence of reality is speaking the words of unscripted roller-coaster ride with life . . where the loving embrace of a mother is awaiting in great longing.

I am happy, Yes! I really am happy knowing you will finally go back to the nest that once sheltered you from the predators around. You may be able to fully grown your wings to fly by yourself, but in reality, you needed the wind beneath your wings!!!

Yes I am happy, or am I?

Maybe yes, maybe not….

For it means a sudden stop to the tandem that knows no limitations, a sudden end to the ties that existed amidst the hypocrisy in the deceptive world outside.

And now I finally get into the depth of your thoughts. I finally read the lines that you have uttered. It is indeed a manifestation of goodbye after the long day at our paradise. It is a farewell to life that we dared to go against.

And with the moonless night, the cool breeze dazzling and flushing unto your cheeks, reminding you of your human thirst for peace of mind. Yet, you’re afraid of what the night has to offer, Fear not Borj, for on your journey way back home, my heart will be there, just listen to the echoes of your own, and felt my presence.

Inasmuch as I would like to you send you off home personally, you chose to be alone. ALL ALONE IN YOUR PATH BACK HOME. You may encounter the ghostly ocean played unruly music and shake your ship and threaten your voyage, fear not borj, for it is not the end of everything. Master Death will not successfully lead you to another path underneath the world, believe in yourself.

It is now the high time to show to the world that you are brave, that you can make it. If you have made possible those seemingly impossible things in the past, if you have thought of the most unthinkable in life, its no different right now. You can still make it happen.

I was there in silence, waiting for the right moment to show the compassion, but I knew if there are good things that never last, there are those which just don’t start.

And as you take your hand to wave the final gesture of goodbye, I will be looking at life in nothingness until your image dissolve in oblivion, until the horizon eats up the wave of loneliness. Alone you must go, yes! Alone again I must live my life. As the memories of the past continue to haunt me and challenge me to keep the flame alive, my heart became numb and cold for the calling. Yes! My eyes are now dry for tears have already deserted them, for nothing more can be squeezed for my heart to bleed. Cry no more, bleed no more!!

For I know . . .

You will be safe back home.

And before you embarked yourself and laid your feet back on track, remember the memoirs I left in your heart. May it continue to shines there even if the blissfulness of life is creating yet another chapter for you to start!!

And as the lighting sliced the sky like a fiery sword, it sends a strong message…


My love this is not really goodbye….

BUT

UNTIL THEN. .. . . ~JAYR~