The FINALE (?)

At the end of the day, you'll find yourself exhausted and tired from the trek that you have engaged upon. But before you laid back and pamper yourself with the delight of a long sound sleep, the memories from the trails you have passed by will be gathered and somehow it will make you smile or even cry.

Last night, a got a message from borj asking me to meet him for perhaps the last time over. We meet at Mercury Drugs claveria, had a stroll towards netex bonifacio until we decided to sit together for a refreshing drink.
There we went to Cheer's in claveria. Ordered a glass of mango juice and a hamburger for me as well as a glass of ice tea with a chicken sandwich for him.

There we are at one corner of that place, we talk about life. His way back home and the memories we shared together for the past months that we were together. The mood was a little bit heavy yet we manage to bring out some good laughter every now and then. But i cannot deny that i was about to burst into tears, fortunately i held back and continue putting smiles in my lips. I dont want to remember a finale meeting become emotional with tears witnessing two souls that have greatly bonded together, unfortunately, one of them has to prepare for his graceful exit in his journey home.

Twas a scene of great longing. Staring at each other in nothingness. Creating an ambiance that is forcefully lightened.

AS the wise men said, everything has to end. And before we knew it, we were saying the word i hate to utter. G O O D B Y E
The deal that we made, a month later, that remains to be seen...

And after the seemingly long heavy night it was, i saw myself lying down in bed, gathering every details of the final meeting, until tears falls down into my cheeks and sealed the night of loneliness and great longing.

AS always, sleep brought me back to my fantasies....

as always....

UNTIL THEN : Sending you Home


Here I am again, breaking my silence of my heart on something that has to do with my life, my interaction with people around me and the feelings in between. This is in response to Borj’s blog "A trail Towards HOme"

***

You have traveled far enough in search for the real essence of life, and in the process you came to a crossroad where you have to decide which way to go and which trail to follow. There you have followed the path where at the end; we both find and knew each other. We wander around and continue the search until we dare fully created our own paradise. Far from the exhausting journey we have indulged ourselves upon.

In our fantasies we weaved our dreams of a life that is beyond our wishes, beyond the child in us and beyond the wheel of life. The kingly sun continues to give its warmth for us to feel. The wind gave its soothing caress for the hearts that started to beat the symphony of human emotions. We loved the life it was. As the chirping birds from atop the tree witnessed how we hide the compassion for the world.

It was pure happiness, undaunted happiness it was. No words could suffice how it feels to be with someone sharing the same thought and feelings about LIFE. Yet, one day I just woke up realizing you were looking back at yesterdays, imagining how simple life can be, how life has given you the opportunities to fully become the person that you envisioned yourself to be.

And before the sun sets in, before it gave way to the moon, you too finally decided to bring yourself back home.

Home where you think you could feel again the security and loved that has brought you to life. . . where the essence of reality is speaking the words of unscripted roller-coaster ride with life . . where the loving embrace of a mother is awaiting in great longing.

I am happy, Yes! I really am happy knowing you will finally go back to the nest that once sheltered you from the predators around. You may be able to fully grown your wings to fly by yourself, but in reality, you needed the wind beneath your wings!!!

Yes I am happy, or am I?

Maybe yes, maybe not….

For it means a sudden stop to the tandem that knows no limitations, a sudden end to the ties that existed amidst the hypocrisy in the deceptive world outside.

And now I finally get into the depth of your thoughts. I finally read the lines that you have uttered. It is indeed a manifestation of goodbye after the long day at our paradise. It is a farewell to life that we dared to go against.

And with the moonless night, the cool breeze dazzling and flushing unto your cheeks, reminding you of your human thirst for peace of mind. Yet, you’re afraid of what the night has to offer, Fear not Borj, for on your journey way back home, my heart will be there, just listen to the echoes of your own, and felt my presence.

Inasmuch as I would like to you send you off home personally, you chose to be alone. ALL ALONE IN YOUR PATH BACK HOME. You may encounter the ghostly ocean played unruly music and shake your ship and threaten your voyage, fear not borj, for it is not the end of everything. Master Death will not successfully lead you to another path underneath the world, believe in yourself.

It is now the high time to show to the world that you are brave, that you can make it. If you have made possible those seemingly impossible things in the past, if you have thought of the most unthinkable in life, its no different right now. You can still make it happen.

I was there in silence, waiting for the right moment to show the compassion, but I knew if there are good things that never last, there are those which just don’t start.

And as you take your hand to wave the final gesture of goodbye, I will be looking at life in nothingness until your image dissolve in oblivion, until the horizon eats up the wave of loneliness. Alone you must go, yes! Alone again I must live my life. As the memories of the past continue to haunt me and challenge me to keep the flame alive, my heart became numb and cold for the calling. Yes! My eyes are now dry for tears have already deserted them, for nothing more can be squeezed for my heart to bleed. Cry no more, bleed no more!!

For I know . . .

You will be safe back home.

And before you embarked yourself and laid your feet back on track, remember the memoirs I left in your heart. May it continue to shines there even if the blissfulness of life is creating yet another chapter for you to start!!

And as the lighting sliced the sky like a fiery sword, it sends a strong message…


My love this is not really goodbye….

BUT

UNTIL THEN. .. . . ~JAYR~

CLUELESS part2

After such a horrible night of receiving messages from borj which i really dont have any hints on what he wanted to tell me, he called me up on the phone and explain something which in one way or the other shed light to the things he wanted to do with his life. But then, there is still the confusions and questions that linger into my mind till this very moment.

Gusto ko lang sabihin sa iyo yon, Gusto ko na ng katahimikan . . . . Nag.iisip pa lang ako
....mahalin mo na lng sarili mo at buhay mo
takot lang kasi ako sa mangyayari eh. Wala akong matakbuhan. Wag ka mag.isip na tayo ang may problem....

How can understand you borj, when you dont exactly told me the real story behind this drama your portraying right now? And yet you were asking me to make up with Romeo before you depart, how could I, when you yourself didnt bother to listen me when i was asking you to make up with Harry. Yes! I was happy knowing you have finally told Romeo the real score, but then please do respect me on my decision as what i did with your decision before.

Wherever you maybe, wherever life leads us, i hope and i pray that one day, our path will crossed again !

thank you , goodbye

jayR