CLUELESS



While i was watching the famed Pinoy Big Brother , somebody gave a call on my mobile phone. When i checked it...

Missed Call: Borj_jason

Oh well it has been quite a while since we saw each other and even communicate each other may it by SMS messaging or a call from him through the landline phone. Seconds later, i received a text message and its simply asking my whereabouts, whats new with me, inquiring about alan and james and he even tried to crack a joke, which in fairness made me smile. AFterwhich i replied, the next messages i received from him were disturbing.

Some of his text messages were as follows: (some are edited for private reasons)

.....Peace this time, i dont know tomorrow. Thanks for everything. Baka makalimutan ko na sabihin. Wag moko kalimutan ha. Once in urlife may borj ka na nakilala.

Thank u for urso kind to me.Gudbye. bkaa makalimutan ko eh. Bigla ako mawala at least nakapagpaalam. Ingatan mo sarili mo ha. Salamat

Those were some of his messages that kept me awake for the rest of the night. I was bothered really because when i tried to ask him whats going on, his reply was more disturbing message fromt he previous one
"When the seas runs dry. When my heart ceases to beat. And when my cold corpse is laid to rest. But then i will and shall remember you always. My soul will come to sing your name"
Whew!
*****
My dear Borj ,

i really couldnt figure out your drama last night. I am really clueless on whats happening. All i am wishing for is you will be in good hand and you will always be safe. Thank you too for everything. I hope we could meet again.
I love you friend. You will always be a part of me.

I cant do nothing coz you are not telling me anything. Just in case, you know my number, my landline and my email, you can contact me anytime, ill be willing to extend my heart for you.

Again, thank you and see you again whenever our path crossed once more.

I may not understand your move nor your words for now, i hope in the days to come i shall be able to read between the lines.

love lots
jayR

SAy Goodbye to ironicjayR ; Bids adieu to jerome_lee

ironicjayR joined the channel
@$#$ sets jerome_lee -o

When destiny brought me here in Davao, i thought i would go nowhere. I hop from one place to another hoping to find my rightful place under the sun. Befriending strangers to find the sense of belonging. Till one day i found myself in a world where i could finally show up and be the me that my human thirst for the true me is looking for. NO pretensions, unmasking the the superficial face that once became my armor to keep from away from the scrutinies of the outside world.

But then such world where i stumbled upon is nothing but a world of pretensions. A world of illusions and deceptions. NOnetheless, i find a little bit of freedom, hence, ironicjayR and jerome_lee was born. Two different people two different aliases signifying one man that tried to go against the current yet failed miserably in his quest for the true happiness.

I meet people. Several people have touched my life and became part of it. Some stayed quite longer, some stayed just to say hello, still others did not even care to notice my existence. Those people help me redefine life, brought back the smiles on my lips, help me thought the meaning of love, help me felt loved and be loved, but those people were also responsible of letting me shed tears of pain. Help me spelled the word CRY.

But then, those experiences with them helped me of what i become today. I continued to live my life in such unrealistic world without me realizing i have become the total opposite of the 'Me' that i have envisioned myself to be. I have learned to hurt people. I have learned to play with others feelings. I have become numb!

until......

@#$#$%% slaps ironicjayr with a bit of a large trout

which brought me back to my senses. How fool am i to be acting the way I did. It was not the real me, i swear. It was just a product of the world that I have indulged myself with, the product of the people who have came into my world.
I am sorry. I never really intend to hurt you. YOu know who you are. i am really sorry.
For now, i will stay away from such unscrupulous world until the day that i will find the old me that people loved. Until i find the way back home.

Till then.

gtg

ironicjayR left the channel
jerome_lee has quit (connection reset by peers)
****disconnected****

NOT MY DUMB BUSINESS INDEED

Weve been friends for quite a long time already. I thought the friendship that we were able to established wont be destroyed by anything that we may encounter along, for i thought i knew you that much.
Sad to say...
I was wrong
I was wrong to dig into your life for according to you, its none of my dumb business. Well, come to think of it, you're right. I have no right to take into your life. Its yours afterall, who am I really to know every single detail about whats happening in you. I was just too assuming that i do have the right, and im sorry for thinking and behaving like that.
Last night, i have realized im nothing in you. I was just one of those who tried to take part of your life but i never was and never will be part of it.
The best thing i can do now is to stay away from you and never bother to do the foolishness that i was doing all these times, that is, to take part of your life's decisions and routine.
Thank you anyway for the memories that we shared together. They may not be as important as those memories with other people in your life, well at least i tried to take part in you. Unfortunately it was, it is and it will not be my dumb business afterall...

BORJ: Reliving heroism


Dont judge the book by its cover.
Oh yes this cliche sometimes make good sense, more often than not, people displayed a persona that is totally opposite from the real person that they are deep inside.
Borj is one such guy whom at first look can get a negative feedback. Well it could be his rugged style and one of its kind fashion statement. But then, it is the borj that i love to be with, the borj that i have learned to make part of my insane life.
He added yet another reasons for me to love him better. When i get to know more of him deep inside, i found a borj oozing with passion for love and care. His innate talents are something to be proud of. His innermost being is something you cannot take for granted. And not to mention his wits that could spell the difference. Seemingly perfect guy in this imperfect world we live in.
This morning, i found something new in him. HIs heroism in the name of friendship. He once told me about him sacrificing his life for his friends, and what he did last night to a common friend of ours gave life to what he has told me. His actions redefined the meaning of friendship. He has proven that true friends indeed will be there through thick and then.
That chinito looking guy, skaterboy, who seem to be a happy go lucky one helped someone to be freed in a situation which is difficult to get out. My heart leaps for joy for im proud for this guy. I am happy for i have gain a friend that i knew will be there for me when i needed him the most. I have been reassured that our friendship will be there to take on the obstacle as we continue our quest in this game of life.
Borj, you know im proud to have someone like you in my life. Im proud of what you did to our friend. Im glad you became part of my life and I wish we could be there as tomorrow unfolds and bring a new sunshine in our search for the true meaning of happiness.
As always, you have added a feather on your cap on what you did. YOu triumphantly established another borj that proved to the world, youre worth every mortal that loved you and cared for you.
Youre a friend
Youre a hero
Youre the borj
that i love

Im in love!!!


I was alone in the wilderness of life, searching for the unending vastness of destination where i could truly find the real meaning of happiness, there you came. Unexpectedly youre presence gave a twist to the already tiresome life it was. You gave a new meaning to my life, you gave a sweet caressing melody to the tune that has become so dull and lousy.

When you came, I feel exactly what i felt before. The same thing that caused me sleepless nights and oh well, the same thing that made me cry. I was reluctant to accept the fact that im fallin in love again. Borj is telling me I have found the right one. But then i resist the feeling, fearing for the hurtings that came along with it. But then love really moves in a mysterious ways. The more i refused the sparkling deep within, the more it beats the rhythm.

Then i took the courage to tell you what i felt. I took the courage to be hurt by rejection or to be elated with acceptance. I was ready to face everything in the name of love. I was ready, all ready to fight for the feelings i have for you.

Three sleepless nights of long telephone conversations keep our world together. Getting to know each other and listening to the echoes of each others heart. Then finally you gave me the sign to pursue my love for you.

I was too happy to know theres the possibility of us establishing a relationship that may be against the norms of the society but too valuable for both of us.

And then last night....

LAst night you gave me that much anticipated answer from your loving lips. That YES! oh i really cant explain how i felt for that very moment you accepted me to become part of your life. You made me complete again. You have put the last piece of the puzzle of this life of mine. You made me whole again. You played the melody of the sweetest music ever heard. OUr hearts speaks the same language of love. Oh yes! i love you baby. I really care for you.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for accepting me in your life. Thank you for making my life complete.

Thank you, thank you , thank you

I really really love you baby...

I hope we could spell eternity as we continue our travails in this love world. Sometimes, we may encounter trials, i hope our love will bring us to the path where we can be happy as always, and be loved forever.

I love you

I love you

I love you


jayR

Bared...

there was angst

there was a walk.out

there was a misunderstanding

there was an apology

there was forgiveness

and then there was celebration

a night of happiness, laughters, opening of the hearts and mind to resolve what has yet to be resolved.

thank you borj for the night..

thank you for opening up to me the borj that you are , the good and the bad side in you...

and i remain